On Judging
Who made you judge over me?
Let’s get girly and quote Sara Bareilles: “Who died and made you king of anything?”
Or better yet, Tupac: “Only God can judge me.” That one’s actually Biblical.
I don’t think any of us like being judged. In fact, very few things upset us more than when we are or feel judged.
So why is it that we are all so good at judging others? Seriously, we’re all pretty talented in that arena. Let’s give ourselves a hand!
Obviously I’m not talking about the kind of judgment that’s laid down by people like Judy, Mathis, or the People’s Court. I’m talking about that thing we do when we write people off, dismiss and discredit their very being because of our lack of compassion or willingness to understand their transgression or circumstance.
We might be really good about being open-minded and non-judgmental in one regard but in other areas, especially the ones that we excel at or feel blameless in, we are pretty quick about reaching certain conclusions.
It’s also funny because we will also judge things that we know very little to nothing about! What is that?
Like before I had kids, I used to judge parents who were super strict about their kids’ sleeping schedules and I thought that they were letting their children run their lives. “Live a little!” I used to think. I knew nothing about their world and yet I judged it. I’m on the other side of that coin now and I understand... and now I’m the one that’s probably getting judged. Painful!
So here’s the thing: if we judge things within our area of expertise and we also judge things or circumstances we know very little about, this means that we are judging all the time. This is just stupid.
I’ll be honest. I’m pretty judgmental toward judgmental people. Also: people who don’t line waste baskets with bags before throwing their crap in… but more often than not I judge judgmental people.
I think, “why are they so judgmental? What makes them so superior in their minds? What losers! Arrgghh!”
And then I’m reminded that I’m no better.
That’s the point. I’m no better, you’re no better. Nobody is perfect. Nobody is perfect.
What would happen if we were more predisposed to dishing out grace, understanding, and good ol’ fashioned “benefit of the doubt” to people and situations we are tempted to judge and dismiss?
When was the last time you felt judged? How has that affected you? What do you tend to be judgmental about?
I’m reading a book on sleep-training and they said if your friends are giving you a hard time about being strict about your baby’s sleep schedule, get new friends!
April 13, 2011 at 9:19 am
Ooohh…very good post. Depending on who I happen to be spending time with, I can be incredibly gracious or graceless. The more time I spend with my husband, the more I realize how “unforgiving” I can be – he’s so much more loving and gracious. So his standard of grace shows me exactly where mine is – under par. But if I’m, say with a colleague at work whose every breath takes the form of gossip, I’m actually quite gracious by comparison. The only solace I have in this debacle, apart from the incredible work on the cross of Jesus Christ, is the ability He allows me to have, to recognize my spiritual poverty.
April 13, 2011 at 12:04 pm
I mean for me the last time someone judged me was when I was actually standing up for that person for once. In the end I got the whole ” so you think just cause God talks you’re holier than the rest of us”
That phrase really just shook me. We weren’t even talking about religion or anything close to that. =/
The truth is that i’m not perfect or more holier than anybody else. The truth is that i’m a mess too. I’m just human. I’m just me.
I guess God’s slowly teaching me that the closer I get to him. The more I have to learn how to love the one’s around me and the people who aren’t very nice to me. maybe it’s acceptance, and humility too.
whatever he’s trying to teach me i’ll try my best to learn and be a better person. ^_^
April 13, 2011 at 2:24 pm
@mifocals – i think that’s what ends up happening a lot with families with kids.. they end up needing another group of friends who are in their same life stage. glad you’ll be joining the club soon!
@renee – such a good point about your company (who you’re with) dictating your standing on the judgment meter. thanks for your input!
@bunny – it is unfortunate when we feel misunderstood or judged when we are genuine in our good intentions. hope you don’t feel discouraged and just continue to be a good friend!
April 13, 2011 at 7:57 pm
judged or categorized or stereotyped i don’t like it
because i moved around so much…i think it’s always been important to observe first and then speak. call it what you want, a fear of being wrong, a desire to fit it, not wanting to be misunderstood/judged… i’m a situational extravert in that way.
but i wonder is that a skill or a fear
another thing that popped into my mind was a xanga entry i wrote eons ago…about being a fan or an expert.
of how we need more fans of life and fans of kids and fans of food vs experts of life, or of kids or even of food (ie. pixar’s Ratatouille)
but i’d still want an expert of medicine vs a fan of medicine
April 14, 2011 at 12:03 am
Oh Daniel, you are an amazing thinker. And so are you, Abe!! Another great blog… judging… even that lady who played on fb while her son drowned in the tub, so many people judging her… it made me wonder and reminded me of the book The Shack too. You always get my thoughts shooting around like fireworks on Chinese New year!
April 17, 2011 at 5:46 am